Do you have a minute?

The day in the office starts as usual: phone ringing, messages waiting attention on the desk, and deadlines looming.  You know that the tasks needing to be completed exceed the eight and a half hours you plan to work today.

Suddenly, a friend calls with startling news and a major life crisis. He needs a listening ear.  "Do you have a minute?" he asks and you know that the minute will turn into half an hour. What do you do?
Most of us would not say, "Sorry, I have all these projects I need to complete. Call me later." We would offer the listening ear that our friend so critically needs.

Life calls for split-second decisions. Some must be made on the fly. Others allow us to invest some forethought. Either way, choices speak to our deeply held priorities. Many of us act upon core beliefs without thinking about or naming them. For example, the person who pushes back the chair and closes the door holds a deep belief that "friends come first."

The person who promises to call the friend back at the end of the work day might hold the deep value that work takes precedence over personal issues. Perhaps the employee promised something to coworkers and now feels keenly responsible.  Inner conflict occurs when competing values demand attention, or when we ignore our deep inner beliefs.

When we choose actions that dishonor these ingrained values, we feel stress. Life imposes the values of others on us, and we feel pressured to choose by someone else's set of beliefs. That is where we get in trouble.If we are too busy to even know our deepest desires, it is difficult to act upon them.

Peace of mind can be found in spending some quiet time, away from distractions, thinking about your deeply held priorities. It helps to write them down.  Seeing them is also different from hearing them. Let them sit a day or two and return to them. Were you truly honest with yourself? Do the day-to-day choices you make for spending your time belie your deepest values?